How might Mary have come to this point? For many sensitive people, this pattern starts in childhood. How do we become so sensitized to others’ energy? Mary commented, “It feels to me that there is no separation between me and others and my actions are determined by how I perceive their needs to be.” When we struggle to keep boundaries around other people, plants, or animals, solitude becomes a necessary strategy- not only for rest, but for emotional freedom and self-connection. But Mary is describing an additional need: the need for freedom from perceived demands from other living beings. We need to rest, and to process our experiences. To be clear, all HSPs need the boundary of time alone with no new stimuli coming in. I’m grateful to Mary for bringing up a challenge that many of us face. Mary asked, “Do you think this is a boundary issue, or an HSP issue, or both?” I believe it is both: a boundary issue that is closely related to being highly sensitive (HSP). This can include plants inside and outside! To say the least, this has hampered my self-care and personal practices. I am continuously aware of other people and animals in my environment. I had a Focusing session today that brought up a lifelong issue for me: my inability to feel safe and to fully relax and be myself except when I am alone, with no other living thing in my environment. She had recently realized the extent to which a painful pattern had been affecting her life. Mary, my friend and colleague, emailed me recently. Read on to understand how this pattern develops and how you can change it. Have you ever heard yourself say, “I can only relax when I’m alone”? Sensitive people are keenly attuned to people around us, and for some of us this attunement can morph into exhausting vigilance.
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